


Clean Slate

by Psychicninja90



Series: Home [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: A little graphic, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First time working on a series, I introduced another character, I just think she'll be cool, Lucifer whump, Season 3 Episode 9 & 10 AU, Self-Harm, Why can't they talk about things?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-10 18:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12917571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychicninja90/pseuds/Psychicninja90
Summary: Chloe begins to pull away from him and desperately, Lucifer reaches out with the truth.





	1. Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first in a series of interconnected sequential one-shots and sometimes multi-chapter novellas of speculation for this season, so AU. This has not been beta-ed.

Lucifer took a deep shuddering breath.

It wasn't his fault, right? It didn't matter that that young man had asked for a favor. He didn't cause his death. But it didn't matter how many times Lucifer told himself that he wasn't to blame. The Sinnerman was obviously sending a message and if he hadn't involved that young man in his life, however briefly, he would probably still be alive.

He squeezed his eyes tight from the guilt. Everyone around him always got hurt.

He looked over to where the Detective stood. Her face was stony. Every crime scene affected her, but this was somehow different. She wouldn't look at him on the drive over neither would she speak to him. The silence left him uneasy. Did she blame him?

At that moment, she looked up at him and smiled a little though it was tinged with sadness.

No she didn't. They were still friends. And as friends, he would comfort her broken heart from seeing someone so young taken from this world. But also as her friend she deserved to know the truth, no matter what the Lieutenant thought. One way to ensure she became a victim was if she was stumbling in the dark. She would _not_ be a victim; they would face the Sinnerman together. He walked over to her with a soft smile.

“Detective, I know we're not scheduled to have dinner until tomorrow, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight as well. I have this excellent new cognac I think you would enjoy. And I know I need a drink after the crime scene we just visited.”

She huffed a laugh. “No kidding.” Her smile reached her eyes making them sparkle. “Dan has Trixie, so I'd love to.”

His heart did a funny little flip. “Lovely. It's good to spend time with friends.”

“I agree.”

His smile grew, but then deflated a bit when he remembered his task. “And I think it's time for me to explain recent events. You need to know the whole truth if we’re going after the Sinnerman.”

She sighed tiredly. “Lucifer, the Sinnerman isn’t real.”

“Yes he is, and that boy’s death was a message. The Sinnerman killed him because I did him a favor.”

“Yeah about that. I don't think you should be on this case.”

Lucifer looked at her aghast. She did think that. She was firing him. It was only a matter of time. He never should’ve--“Just this case,” she said hurriedly, her eyes placating. “The victims are connected to you. It's a conflict of interest and I don't want you to become a suspect.”

But Lucifer still panicked. “Detective, you don't think that I would--”

“Of course not!”

“Because I would never kill a--a human. Never!” he shouted and some people in the precinct stopped to look at the spectacle. Lucifer ignored them as he shook.

He was many things, but not a killer. He winced. Of humans, anyway. There was only one time he had come close and he…he would rather not remember it.

Once evil always evil right?

No. He was the Devil. He wasn’t evil, he punished it.

Something soft touched him and he started.

“I know, Lucifer.”

Her hand was a calming warmth on his forearm and he melted underneath it. When he looked up at her, her eyes were clear and sincere. “It's not permanent. And we'll find who did this.”

“I know who did this,” he growled. He would find the Sinnerman and he would punish him.

She started to say his name exasperatedly, but he talked over her. “--And I will explain everything tonight. Everything. You deserve the whole truth.”

He swallowed. Why stop at the Sinnerman? She deserved everything. She deserved a choice. She deserved better. “Particularly about me and my actions over the past few months...Wh-why I left.”

She frowned and hesitantly removed her hand. “Don't worry about it Lucifer. I understand.”

“You do?”

Awkwardly she rubbed her neck. “Uh yeah. You saw a friend almost die and you freaked out. You attached yourself to the first person who showed you erm, positive attention. People deal with trauma in different ways. Though I would've appreciated a phone call.”

She chuckled lightly, but her eyes were overly bright and she quickly busied herself with the papers on her desk.

“Detective it wasn't just... It _is_ about Candy, but-but...About you and I…”

“Look I know she was your wife, but I don't need to know the details, okay?” Lucifer internally winced at her attempt at humor. “I’m just glad you weren't alone.”

She gave him a sad smile and he frowned. This was not supposed to happen. He would explain things and everything would be better. They would be friends again. She would understand. She wouldn't hate him. 

Right?

“And as for you and I, I obviously misread the situation and that's on me. I’m sorry for…forcing it. I pushed too hard and I shouldn't have. And anyways, you don't have to worry about that anymore.”

There was a small and oft ignored flame of hope that had been burning in his heart since his return from Las Vegas. A fool’s hope it was, of course. So he never tended it, but sometimes on his lonely nights he would enthrall himself in the warm fantasy of what it would be like to be with her, what it would be like if her feelings were real.

It seemed he had been correct. There had been nothing to hope for. She didn’t have feelings for him anymore.

“Really?” he said quietly.

“Yeah, it's not a big deal. Actually I'm...moving on. I...,”she squeezed her eyes shut and then, “Oh crap!”

Lucifer was nonplussed as he looked at her grimacing face.

“I can't hang out tonight,” she said with apologetic eyes. “I already made plans.”

“Oh? Night out with the girls?” He chuckled awkwardly.

“...No...”

Then something leaden sunk in his chest at the dawning realization. _I’m moving on._

“You have a date," he said haltingly. 

“Mhmm. I'm sorry. I was just asked and it was just--”

“No it's all right,” he stammered. “With whom, may I ask?”

Suddenly Marcus strode in between them, blocking Lucifer from seeing the Detective. Damn the man's height.

“Decker! 8 'oclock. Don't be late.” As he started to walk away Lucifer noticed him winking at her.

Oh. No. Not him.

He stared between the two of them aghast. When Marcus looked up at him, his smile turned smug and Lucifer wished he could still flash his eyes.

“Lucifer,” he said smoothly.

“Lieutenant,” Lucifer said lowly with a curt nod. Marcus' smile widened before he strode away with head held high. Lucifer held back a growl.

“Uh yeah, I'll see you later!” she called after him brightly.

“So,” he said trying to sound casual, “you have plans with Lieutenant Limp Di--?”

“Lieutenant Pierce!" she interjected looking around her. "And yes," she continued more softly.

"He's…uh...," she looked away seemingly searching for the right word until she nodded and said, "interesting. And he asked and I thought it would be fun.”

The Detective's smile was wistful as she stared after the Lieutenant. The pressure in his chest increased and he felt heat behind his eyes.

“Right,” he said after he was able to breathe. “Well far be it from me to prevent you from having fun. We’ll talk more tomorrow, Detective.”

Before she could respond he had turned from her and was walking with long strides toward the door.

“Lucifer!” He couldn't help it; her voice was a siren's call. He turned to face her and his heart stopped. Her face looked stricken and hurt. He had put that face there, so he tried to lighten things by smiling at her.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

He didn't wait for her response.

* * *

The next day, however, they didn’t get a chance to talk. Lucifer had followed a lead alone at the behest of the Detective for him to not be involved in the case. Well not be involved while being with her. He thought it the better option regardless. Lucifer would find the Sinnerman and bring him into custody himself. The Detective would not go after the Sinnerman even with Marcus. This way he could protect the Detective from confronting the Sinnerman directly. Or at least that was what he told himself. But truly, he also didn’t want to be around her and Pierce.

When he had arrived at the precinct earlier that day they were both riding the high of a successful first date. And as much as he loved to see the Detective smile, it burned him that she wasn’t smiling for him.

So he stole away, but strove to be helpful in stopping the monster who had ruined so many lives. However all the lead had brought him to was a trap from which Maze had to save him much to his chagrin. And of course the Sinnerman had run into the Detective and _him_.

Eventually they had arrested the Sinnerman, but when he had arrived to the scene the Detective had been upset with him and dismissed him almost immediately after the Sinnerman's booking. But he was just in time to see her squeeze Marcus' wrist.

Pouring himself another glass of whiskey he clamped down that feeling of longing, of painful yearning at the memory. This was what he wanted after all. He had freed her from the burden of being tied to him and now she had made a choice. Between the two of them Marcus was obviously the better.

Marcus was stalwart and boring and good, although a bit mysterious and rude. But the Detective did love a good mystery and she could handle some rudeness. Dad knew that she had dealt with his for almost two years now. And Lucifer…was everything she didn’t need, at least in the sense of romance or family. They were friends, finally friends after his bumbling attempts at protecting her, and he could be just that for her.

Nevermind how much his heart sang when she looked at him or how the tension eased in his body whenever she touched him or how his back had tingled pleasantly when she had held him, her hands gracing the spot from where his wings stemmed…

He sighed.

Don’t wish. Don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart.

He shook his head. Today had been a success. The Sinnerman was in custody and the Detective had to believe him now. He groaned at the thought of telling her he and Pierce had been investigating without her though. She would be angry with him about keeping the Sinnerman from her, but he could handle it and she…she would understand, eventually.

He looked at his phone. He had one hour before she arrived for their dinner. Dinner as friends. They were friends. Just friends. It was better this way and he knew it. Her burgeoning relationship with the Lieutenant was a good thing.

'Right. Keep telling yourself that,' an annoying voice in his head whispered. 

The elevator dinged and he rolled his eyes. Not even a romp in the sack from a beautiful stranger could elevate his mood.

“I'm not in the mood,” he said without turning.

“Lucifer.”

His favorite voice made him spin around with a giant smile on his face.

“Detective! Would you like a –“

“Marcus told me that you were investigating the Sinnerman,” she cut him off sharply. Her eyes were hard and cold as she breezed by him. Something constricted in his chest. Must he see a doctor about that? He’d been having a lot of chest pain lately.

“He told you that?”

“You were investigating him. Behind my back,” she snapped. 

He chuckled uneasily. “That's what you discussed on your date? Really Detective. It's always work with you.”

She rolled her eyes, but didn't take the bait. “I'm your partner Lucifer! We're supposed to stick together. You're not supposed keep this kind of stuff from me.”

He smiled coldly. “And Marcus is your boss. He is obligated to tell you information about cases yes? But he's blameless now isn't he, since he’s your new beau?”

Chloe stiffened her jaw and leveled him with a glare. Lucifer had the grace to look contrite. That had been a low blow, even for him.

“I'll deal with Marcus later. You're my _partner_.”

He sighed and his shoulders sagged. “I wanted to tell you. But the Lieutenant bade me not to.”

“Since when do you listen to orders?!”

“When they make sense! The Sinnerman is extremely dangerous and I will not allow him or anyone to cause you or yours harm no matter the consequences for me!”

“I care about the consequences for you!”

She had grabbed his forearms with a firm grip and a frisson passed through him at the contact. The tingling was a common occurrence whenever they touched, but this time was different. Her body hummed with passion and…was that affection for him?

No it couldn’t be. But stunned by her vehement proclamation all he did was stare.

“What’s been going on with you Lucifer?” she asked with wide searching eyes. “I thought we were finally getting back on track.”

“Detective I—“

She rubbed his arm and the words caught in his throat.

“I know that everything that happened with your mom and then your kidnapping, threw you off for a while. I get it. Really I do. But you can’t…,” she bit her lip, “how can we be partners if you continue to keep secrets from me?”

Lucifer made to say something, but shut his mouth. There was no way to circumvent her logic. Slowly he pulled away from her.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. “I need to give you an informed choice. I need to tell you everything that’s been going on with me, with the Sinnerman, everything.”

He took a deep breath resigned to what was about to happen. She was going to be very angry, but it was for the better. She deserved the truth and he had held it for too long.

“I know you don’t believe me about me being the Devil, but for now perhaps that is a good thing. A silver lining. This way I can start with the more normal things. Though I doubt you will respond any better.”

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You need to know about my...about what happened with me and Candy.”

She sighed. “That’s not what I meant, Lucifer. I mean about our partnership. Our friendship.”

“There’s more between us than that and you know it,” he rushed out before he had thought better of it and he winced.

But something light and wonderful passed her wide eyes. It looked like hope, but then she shook her head with a hard frown and all that remained was a dark resignation. “I thought we went over this. I understand what happened.”

I understand what we are, he heard underneath her words.

“No, you don't and I need to explain.”

“Lucifer you really don't.”

“Yes I do.”

“Please can we just drop—“

“Candy and I were never married,” he said in a rush.

At first Lucifer was unsure if she had heard him, for she was completely still. Her only movement was a slight tilt of her head and cock of her eyebrow.

“What?” she asked in a shaky whisper.

He swallowed and his mouth was suddenly very dry. There was no going back from this storm he had to walk through.

“I mean legally we were, but it wasn't...She needed help, so we made a deal. I had to marry her in order to help her. Her father had debts and…it was to legitimize my helping her in the eyes of the loan shark. And to get close to my mother for information.”

Her hands slowly closed to fists, but her face remained unreadable. “And you didn't tell me because...?”

“I wanted to protect you.”

She turned away from him, but he continued despite the dread growing inside him.

“I am so sorry. My mother is—was dangerous. She was planning something terrible. I thought that if I pushed you away, you'd be safe, free from…a dangerous situation.”

She said nothing, but he saw the muscles in her back tense.

“I didn't want to hurt you, but I thought it was the only way,” he whispered miserably.

He crept closer to her and very lightly touched her shoulders. But the instant his fingers made contact she stepped away and turned to him.

“You didn't want to hurt me?” she asked low and dangerous. Her eyes were a fiery blue whose fury was entirely focused on him. “That is exactly what you wanted.”

He shook his head and even he knew it was an obfuscation.

“You knew what I would think! When you left, when I saw you with her. You knew what that would do to me because you knew how I...,” her voice broke and lone tear escaped her eye, but she set her jaw and glared at him.

“You let me think I did something wrong. You acted like what happened between us was nothing, like how I felt was nothing, like I was nothing!” Her hands shook with rage and Lucifer's heart raced in fear, but also in desperation. She had to understand.

“No you are everything! When you were poisoned I was petrified and I realized what it was like to be truly vulnerable. I was so afraid that I was going to lose you.”

“Yeah sure,” she said as she shook her head. “Were you going to leave from the beginning and you just saw the perfect opportunity?”

“No,” he said firmly, praying to her that she saw the sincerity in his eyes. That leaving her had nearly destroyed him.

After he had learned the truth he hadn’t been thinking clearly. His first thought was to confront her about it, but then saving her life took priority. Once he learned that she had had nothing to do with the manipulation and was in fact a victim, he had felt ashamed of himself and scared for her. Her poisoning could very well have been part of his father’s plan. A plan in motion because of him. Therefore after saving her life he needed to get away, to think on what to do, and perhaps to stay away. Of course that hadn’t worked. The whole time he had been gone, all he could think of was her.

Was she worried about him? Was she angry with him? How was she doing after she had almost died? Did it matter that she was a miracle? Did he still have feelings for her? Did she for him? How could he free her?

“Your poisoning, my fear of losing you was beyond any pain I had ever felt. It was a very large part of why I left. But I had to leave. I had to protect you.”

“From what?” she asked brokenly. “And I'm not scared of your step-mom, so don't feed me that.” She fixed an accusatory finger at him and he shrunk underneath the weight.

“There is so much you don’t understand,” he murmured breaking their eye contact.

“Then explain,” she demanded.

“Detective—“

“Why Lucifer?!”

“From me!”

A pregnant silence fell between them as each stared into the others’ eyes.

“I’m a monster, Detective,” he whispered. “I was trying to protect you from me.”

Her tears were falling freely now as she nodded her head. “The whole Devil thing again? Because everything can be traced back to your delusion.”

Biting her lip she shook her head and began to turn away from him, but he gently took her arm only for her to rip it back.

“You know for once I actually believe you could be Him,” she said brokenly.

Stung he stumbled back. She had never said anything so cruel to him before. “Chloe wait—“

“Don’t!” she whispered fiercely. She took a deep breath and look at him with eyes filled with depthless hurt. “You know, I thought you cared about me. I thought you would never hurt me, that you would never lie to me.”

He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes as she looked at him with anger, pain, and disappointment painting her face.

“But I was wrong. You're just like all the others.”

With a shuddering gasp, she spun away from him and he, so stunned by her words, could only watch as she stalked away from him. His shoulders sagged and he gasped in pain at the ache in his chest. The little flame of hope had dwindled to nearly nothing. Miserably he leaned against the cool metal of the elevator, praying for her return.

“Maybe you shouldn't have led with that.”

Lucifer whipped around at the voice. There stood before him a young woman akimbo. Her skin was as pale and unblemished as alabaster. Her thick russette curls draped down her shoulders. Her clothes were simple: a black sweater with cut out shoulders and dark jeans. The only odd accessory were her matching bracelets with attached rings. The diopside, aquamarine, and onyx stones glistened in the light ominously.

“Aren't you going to say hello?” her Irish brogue lilted around the words as she smiled.

Lucifer breathed out forcefully and swallowed.

“Hello, Azrael.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines "Don't wish. Don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart." is from the song "Not that Girl" from the musical Wicked.


	2. Love is not Meant for Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer and Azrael have a chat that reveals that Lucifer's problems are a lot bigger than he had realized. He and Chloe have a much needed talk as well.

Azrael stood smirking and Lucifer shifted uneasily. He just could not get a break today. First the Detective and now his fiery older sister was there and he had no idea what she wanted. Well, that wasn’t true; he had an idea and he just didn’t have the energy to care about her blade at the moment. He cleared his throat, trying to clear away the unease of an unexpected visit by his not so sweet visitor.

“Bucking tradition, eh?” he said gesturing to her clothes. “What happened to the veil?”

She shrugged. “I enjoy changing things up a bit.”

He nodded dumbly.

“You seem unhappy to see me.”

“Not unhappy,” he said warily.

Her cold eyes warmed a little. “I’m not angry about what happened with mother. In fact, I’m proud of you. Given the choice, I’m not sure I would’ve done the same. She certainly has never made my job easier. Although I didn’t appreciate you chucking my blade into the void. Gonna have a shite of a time trying to retrieve that.”

Lucifer shoulders relaxed, but only slightly.

“Why aren’t you doing that then?”

“Death doesn’t take a holiday.”

Again he nodded. “Indeed not.”

“And I've been watching you for some time now. And I'm...concerned.”

At that he raised his eyebrows in surprise. It had been a while since her last visit and that was back in Hell. Even then their visits had been mostly business-like. Or at least he had tried to make them that way. He very rarely received visits from his siblings and most of them had been unpleasant. And although Azrael and he were on good terms, he still would shrink away from any sign of affection. Lucifer wondered vaguely if he should tell Linda about that, but instead of dwelling on the thought he quipped, “Still lurking in shadows?”

“Still screwing up your life?”

He scoffed and moved to the bar. He needed a drink, badly.

“What’s it to you what I do with my life?”

“Goodness me, I don’t know. It’s almost like I’m your sister.”

He scoffed again. “And you have advice? You’re not Ariel, sister. Best stick to your own realm of expertise.”  

“I don’t know. I’ve been around. Would you like some?” Before he could answer she sidled up next to him. “Honestly, you're hopeless when it comes to your own happiness. You need all the help you can get. Even if I’m not the Angel of Love.”

He rolled his eyes and made to taste the sweet burn of his scotch. But just as he brought his drink to his lips she swiped it. Turning to stare at her she took a long pull, smacked her lips, and smiled.

“Perhaps first you should’ve proven to her that you're the Devil.” She threw her head back dramatically. “Oh wait. You can't!”

She levelled him with a glare. “Because you're a coward and instead of taking the opportunity to tell her before you lost your Devil form, you waited and reaped the consequences. You could show her your wings, but you probably won't because you're too prideful to accept them.”

He growled at that, but busied his hands by making another drink.

“Maybe you should show her that picture. You know explain that she's a miracle and everything. But then,” she breathed in sharply and slowly, “you'd have to explain how you think she was made for you and only you and that her feelings for you aren't real.”

She tapped his arm condescendingly. “Not that I’d worry. I don't think Detective Decker’s feelings for you are at play anymore. Probably for the best as they were slowly killing her.”

Turning slowly he leveled her with a menacing glare, but she smiled.

“Good. Get mad. Maybe you’ll actually fix your problems for once.”

Grabbing her throat, he pinned her to the bar.

“Be careful, Azrael,” he growled.

“You be careful, Lucifer. You may be the Lord of Hell, but _I am Death_.” Her green eyes shimmered with an icy glaze and a shiver ran down his spine. “I am a force of Nature and you, my dear demoted brother, are simply the caretaker of one of its destinations.”

The seconds dragged as they stared at each other like that until with a frustrated growl, Lucifer released.

“Why are you here, Azrael? I'm not in the mood for company of any sort.”

“Because I’m concerned.”

“I'm touched, Azrael. But this doesn’t feel like a social call.”

“Look I shouldn't be here. I’m not supposed to interfere with the world, but things are happening.”

“Ah yes. Why is it whenever my siblings offer me a clue, it's incredibly vague? Just tell me why you're here.”

“To tell you to do your job. You’ve been shirking your responsibilities and now other people's lives at stake.”

She wanted him to return to Hell then, as though that would do any good for the situation. But Lucifer was far too distracted by the rest of her statement.

“What does that mean?” Teeth bared, eyes flashing dangerously he stalked toward her. “What are you planning?!”

Azrael remained unmoved. “It's not my plan. Dark forces are converging around you and with you surrounding yourself with humans... It's dangerous and...”

She briefly glanced behind him. Confused, Lucifer turned, but all he saw was the elevator. “I know you care for them.”

Ah. She had been watching and she knew about the Detective. Still why did she care so much about one human soul?

Lucifer narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Tell me Azrael. You’ve been watching. You know of the Sinnerman?”

“I've seen glimmers of him on the souls of his...victims and those he's made deals with...,” she grimaced, “those who have broken his deals, but I don't know him...”

“But you can see the souls of everything born on Earth. You know _everyone!_ ”

“I know my own abilities, Lucifer!” she spat. “Someone is veiling him from my Sight.”

“Well, he's in holding at the LAPD precinct if you want to have a chat.”

“Lucifer don't you understand? To be shielded from me requires great power. This human removed your Devil form, he restored your wings--”

“It appears that way, yes.”

“Then either he is not human or he is backed by someone who isn't.”

“Oh he’s human. And demons can't leave Hell on their own, so I’m afraid your wild theories are just that, dear sister,” he smiled a bit smugly.

Azrael gave him a significant look and Lucifer's smile fell.

“You think an angel is helping him.” 

Fear passed over her eyes and Lucifer felt a frisson of dread. What scared the Angel of Death?

“Azrael, what is happening in the Silver City?”

She frowned. “Nothing specific. But there are murmurs of dissent among our ranks. I don’t know who started them and I don’t know if Father knows. He has taken a somewhat laissez-faire attitude towards his creations as of late.”

_I don't know what Dad wants. None of us do._

Uriel had had no qualms with causing the death of an innocent human, damn the consequences. Lucifer wondered if there would have been consequences. He had been unhinged and homicidal and also, Lucifer had thought, alone in his actions. What if he hadn’t been? What if he had just been the start?

He looked at Azrael and her eyes told him that she knew his thoughts.

“I fear Uriel was only the first to defy our Father so openly.”

His lips quirked of their own accord. “I was the first Azrael. At least give me that,” he quipped automatically. To his surprise she returned with small smile of her own.

“He was the first that meant ill.”

He blinked in surprise, but then shook his head. There was no time for sentiment. “If an angel is behind this...”

Then what should they do? Do they kill a sibling? Did Lucifer have a choice if this sibling threatened the people he cared about? He met Azrael's gaze and again in her eyes he saw the same thoughts.

Gently she touched his arm.

“Don’t worry. Not yet anyway. Right now, you have other concerns. I will return to the Silver City and learn what I can.”

“What am I to do in the meantime?”

“Fix your issues. You need to protect…,” she glanced again at the elevator, “them and you can’t do that if they don’t trust you. And don’t forget to stay alive yourself.”

After squeezing his arm affectionately, she turned away from him, but stopped mid-step. “And Lucifer...”

When she looked at him she wore a peculiar expression. “Don't...don't do anything you’ll regret.”

Then soundlessly she disappeared.

* * *

 

_Don’t do anything you’ll regret._

He was already regretting this. The Detective had been livid and yet there he was, coffee in hand, walking toward the source of his anxiety, and dreams, and happiness, but she didn’t know that. In fact she thought the opposite, which was entirely his fault. He had to fix that. Soon. Before he ruined every chance he had to even stay her friend.

Lucifer was jittery as he walked into the precinct. He didn't even bother with his usual air of ease and charm. He was there on a mission.

He knew that she sensed his presence if the stiffness of her shoulders was any indication, but she studiously remained engrossed in her paperwork.

Taking a deep breath, he quietly said, “Detective.”

He saw her sigh rather than heard her. When she looked up her face held no  

“May I have a word?

She raised her eyebrow. “We are having a word,” she said blandly.

“I mean in private. About-about last night.”

She sighed again. “Lucifer, I don't want to discuss this now.”

She made to stand up. Reflexively, he touched her arm slightly, but quickly pulled it back at the memory of the previous night. Thankfully though she said nothing. To his surprise, she looked astonished, not offended.

“Please,” he whispered. “Just two minutes.”

Biting her lip, she stared at him for what seemed like ages until finally she signaled for him to follow. Elated by his progress, he quickly followed, but he kept two paces behind her. He looked around and was glad to see that Pierce wasn't there. He really didn't want to deal with the man right then.

Strolling into the lab, she said, “Ella?”

Having received only silence she nodded, then spun to face him with crossed arms and a hard look. “All right. You've got two minutes.”

“All right. Uh...” He really should have rehearsed what he was going to say, but he wasn't planning on her actually listening to him.

“Well...”

What should he say? What was there to say? He wasn't even sure if he could fix this situation. Oh Dad, what was he doing?

“Lucifer what do you need to--”

“I'm sorry,” he blurted. And her face softened. “What I did was stupid and thoughtless. I should've just...I should've told you before doing anything.” He looked down and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

“For what it's worth, I did do it to protect you.”

She sighed. “From what?”

“From me...and my family.”

He had been expecting an eye roll or a sigh, instead she looked at him with sympathy and to his surprise she placed a comforting hand on his forearm. He revelled in her touch. So lost he was in her warmth that he barely heard her gentle words.

“You said before that you were trying to save me from a dangerous situation?”

He nodded.

“What were you talking about?”

He sighed.

“My mother and another brother of mine tried to...hurt you. Then you were poisoned and I was afraid. I thought if I placed distance between us that you would be safe. That's why I left, but I couldn't stay away.”

The memories of his time in Vegas flashed in his mind. Everywhere he looked was her, all of his thoughts were of her, all of his words were about her. Everything was all about her.

“I missed you. So I thought if I dashed any romantic hopes you had about us, my mother wouldn't see you as a threat and you would be safe. But it was all for nothing. My mother put your life at risk anyway and I...hurt you so much.”

She shook her head and relaxed her stance.

“Why didn't you tell me this before?” she asked gently. “I would have stopped them.”

“That's why! My family is incredibly powerful, more powerful than anyone you have ever faced before. And I couldn't get you involved.”

“ _Get_  me involved? Lucifer I would've decided to help you. I'm a big girl. And I make my own choices. Especially when it comes to helping my friends…You took that away from me.”

He groaned slightly. “I know. That's why I want to tell you everything. I want you to have a choice in this.”

She smiled a little sadly. “Look, no matter what I'm your partner and your friend.”

Stepping forward, she placed a hand on his other forearm and the warmth spread from the contact. And her eyes, they were so open and clear and full of something that he wanted so badly to be real.

“When are you going to realize that you're not alone in this?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. This isn't real. This isn't real. In spite of the chant in his mind, he started to lean down to her. He was trapped in her gravity and he didn't have the desire to fight it.

“Maybe it would be better if I were alone.”

“That's not true.”

With only a moment of hesitation, she cupped his cheek.

“No more going backwards, remember?”

He leaned into the touch and smiled.

“There's so much you need to know.”

“We have time,” she whispered.

Their eyes locked and electricity slithered down his spine. If she knew what he was, would she be staring at him like this? Unbidden they both began to lean in until their breaths mingled.

A throat clearing startled them apart. He sighed, but to his surprise and delight, Chloe looked just as displeased. Turning toward the noise he was surprised to see Lieutenant Pierce staring coldly at both of them.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he bit out, “but we have an emergency.”

The Detective cleared her throat and replaced her professional mask. “What are you talking about?”

A burning filled his chest and pooled in his stomach, which he recognized as jealousy at the man whom had turned Chloe's head and anger at the interruption of their moment. He shook his head in exasperation. Could they never have a moment?

Did it matter?

“Just come. Both of you,” he heard Marcus snap before he disappeared, but he didn’t care. He watched her run out of the lab behind Marcus.

_I make my own choices._

Perhaps it had been real, but she hadn't chosen him. The ache in his heart wished she had, that she would.

He stared at her as he walked quickly to the interrogation room. There was a flurry of movement outside. He heard the Sinnerman's laughter over the shouting of the officers. But he didn't care. His eyes were on her as she took charge of the dire situation. She was beautiful and good and strong, and he was in awe. He felt grateful and unworthy to be in her presence. Should he be allowed to look at her at all? Knowing what he was and what she was, perhaps not.  

He stared at the disfigured Sinnerman and suddenly he understood why he had targeted him. They were the same: alone and dangerous. The Sinnerman was a monster, as was he. And his shoulders sagged with the weight of a single truth. This amazing woman no matter the circumstances would never be his.

For love is not meant for monsters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The third chapter is coming really, really soon!


	3. The Devil is Real and I am He

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conflict with Sinnerman escalates to a point that Lucifer may not be able to recover from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The perspectives in this chapter change between Lucifer and Chloe. The names at the top of each section are whose perspectives it is.
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING*** SUICIDE ATTEMPT ***TRIGGER WARNING***

_ Lucifer _

He dare?!

Lucifer sat at the Detective's desk staring down the door that once held the Sinnerman.

How could this have happened?

The past week had been stressful.

Not a word about the Sinnerman for weeks, then a clear message in the form of two people whom had received his favors. A call, a meeting face-to-monitor with the man, which had left him unnerved and trapped. The Sinnerman with his afro and easy smile had been unexpected and in spite of himself, Lucifer was reminded of his self just one year ago.

This unfortunate exchange had fortunately been followed up by his rescue and the Sinnerman's capture. But what had happened next Lucifer could never have foreseen: a gruesome quick surgery of the Sinnerman’s face. Lucifer was left shaken. The man had deformed himself just to hide his motivations. If there had ever been any doubt of his nefarious machinations, they had been punched just like the Sinnerman’s eyes.

The evening had been topped with an uncomfortable confrontation by the Detective about his secret investigation on which Marcus Pierce had oh so generously detailed to her before he could. She had been angry and hurt.

He sighed.

Not to mention he confessed about his past Vegas escapades that to her shock were less matrimonial and more business-like. A mending relationship on which was placed further strain due to his misguided attempts at protecting her and apparently his misplaced trust in a certain LAPD lieutenant. Her later forgiveness not withstanding he felt a slight tug as she again began to pull away from him. He felt a stabbing pain as the fragile trust between them cracked just a bit more.

He sighed again.

Just when they were finally getting back into their rhythm, just when he was finally feeling like they were truly friends again, he had gone and screwed it up. Grimacing he remembered that there was so much more he still needed to tell her. Perhaps he should write a book on how to thwart one’s happiness at every turn.

Regardless of the setback, he and the Detective were back in stride. Still he was grateful for a slight reprieve in the form of a normal case.

He and the Detective were walking towards an atrocious pink muscle car. The weather was perfect, there was a companionable silence between them, and Lucifer idly wondered when the other shoe would drop.

“Now I know our suspect is guilty if she drives this poor excuse for a vehicle.”

“She really likes pink.”

“I really like red, but even I know where to draw the line.”

She chuckled. “Well we're not here to criticize her tastes. We're here to look for evidence.”

“Can you uh—can you do your thing?”

“My thing?”

“Your lock thing.”

“Oh,” he said with a proud smile, “always a pleasure to be of service, Detective.” Grasping the handle, he felt power flow through him into the gears that initiated the lock and push up to slide it out of place.

“Voila.”

Her proud smile filled his chest with warmth. But then it faltered. “Do you hear that?”

“What?”

“Shh.”

Listening hard he could hear a light ticking from somewhere nearby.

“What is that?” he asked starting to climb inside the car, only to feel his body being yanked out.

“Go, go, go!” she shouted at him as she pushed him farther and farther away from the vehicle.

“Detective wha--”

_FOOOM!!_

A hot force pushed them forward, lifting them off of their feet, then they landed a good 5 feet from where they once stood.

The muscle car was lit like a bonfire.

“Seems we weren't the only ones who didn't like the car,” he muttered. He turned to Chloe and touched her face. “Are you all right, Detective?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

Both stood up on shaky legs. “What happened?” she said with a hard frown.

Just then his phone pinged. Amazed that it had survived his landing, he looked at his new text.

“ _Best to be careful. Wouldn't want anything to happen to her, would you?”_

The message couldn’t have been clearer whom _her_ was. He had directly threatened the Detective and now he would _threaten_ the Sinnerman. No one harmed his Detective. If they even _thought_ of harming his Detective, he would rip off their limbs and beat them with them.

He smiled cruelly. Soon he would have his chance. With the threat to the Detective, Maze had jumped at the chance to deal some punishment on behalf of her friend. All he had to do was wait for a text and he could enact all his delicious ideas on the Sinnerman.

His phone pinged and he smiled to see it was Maze. _I have a present for you._

Abruptly he jumped from his chair and made to stroll from the precinct only to be followed by the person whose life was currently at stake. Said person just barely touched him and he froze.

“Where are you going?”

He eyed the small bandage on her forehead and he suppressed a growl.

“I’m going to deal with some business,” he replied smoothly.

“That business wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Sinnerman and what happened today, would it?”

He wouldn’t lie. Nor would he tell her his plans. She would only try to stop him.

She sighed. “Lucifer, you can’t just—“

“I will not stand anyone threatening you! Ever!”

“What have you done?”

“It's nothing you need to know, Detective.” He spun around, but moved to face him with an accusing finger.

“Excuse you? We’re partners here. We protect each other.”

“That is what I’m doing.” He stepped to the right and she followed.

“And what about you? There you go again thinking you have to do everything on your own, but you don’t! I thought we were going to work on this together.”

“I don't want you to get hurt.” He stepped to the left and she followed.

“I don’t want you to get hurt either.” She stepped forward, almost too close for propriety. Her eyes were soft, almost pleading.

“I promise you I won’t,” he said softly, his hands lifting on their own to touch, to comfort her.

“I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” She took both of his hands in her own.

“Please stay. With me. We’ll take him down together. We'll work on his case and he'll get his punishment, I promise.”

She squeezed his hands and he squeezed back. Looking down at their entwined hands, he wished they could always be like this. But he shook his head, for it was not to be. Not so long as he was the Devil and she was the pure miracle she was.

“I’m sorry, Detective. I don't have time for due process. If he can pull something like what happened this morning from prison, then I have greatly underestimated him. He is more dangerous than I realized. And I know I promised that you would be by my side in all things, but I also promised myself to protect you. Even from my own wrongs.”

Disappointment clouded her features and she dropped her hands from his, but didn't step away. “You don’t need to protect me.”

He touched her face and her eyes fluttered close. “Yes I do.”

He left her staring after him with angry and sad eyes, but she made no more attempts to follow him.

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

The look in her eyes, the fear, concern, and frustration. were branded into his brain. But he tried to forget. This was what he had to do. He knew that it would probably cost him dearly, but for her...and for him, he had to do this.

_I thought we were going to work on this together._

Internally he berated himself. On the one hand the Detective was his partner and so she had a right to know about his investigation just on a matter of principle, but he couldn’t deny now that Marcus Pierce had had a good point when he had kept Chloe out of it. As she was also his friend and…other things, he always carried an overwhelming drive to protect her at all costs. But she was stubborn and strong and he admired her for it as much as he was exasperated by it. This man was dangerous and the Detective was too precious and valuable to be hurt by him. Or anyone. Lieutenant Pierce had said much of the same, which made his recent admission to her all the more strange. Why, when it had been his idea, did Marcus reveal to the Detective about their covert investigation? A strategic change of mind?

Or perhaps a change of heart?

They had only gone on one date, but he saw the way he looked at her. His eyes filled with desire and longing and he was more congenial towards her although he still lorded his authority over her. And she would stare back with wide, doe eyes, and faint tint of blush on her cheeks. She would stutter and fidget, like a simpering teenager. Her behavior was demure and deferring to his judgment, which disturbed him greatly. One of the things he loved about her was her confidence and tenacity. She glowed with a power both awesome and gentle.

And Marcus Pierce was dimming the shine of his bright and brilliant star.

He scoffed. His? Since when was she his? She had never been his. Never would be given the circumstances and even if things were different, now she seemed to be offering herself to someone else.

At the thought, he growled dangerously as the jealousy roiled in his chest while a voice in his mind chided him for it. He knew he had no right to it as he had made certain that the Detective would no longer pursue him. Surely he should be happy for her as her freedom from his Father was evident in her new romantic interests.

Still a spike of jealousy shot through him at the thought of her in another man’s arms, but he clamped it down. It was best for him to learn to control these feelings now.

Besides his feelings did not matter. All that mattered was her. Her happiness, her freedom, her safety.

Pierce was another matter. Whatever the reason for the his actions, Lucifer decided that he didn’t like the Lieutenant very much anymore and only saw him as a useful tool to take down the Sinnerman. And truthfully, he was grateful for his recent actions. He had hated keeping this from the Detective and now she knew and they stood side by side. Mostly. This recent threat he could not abide. He had sworn to protect her the first day they met and although he had been wavering in recent history he would no longer. That vow overrode any promises he had made to not keep her out of it. Besides, he was sure she would figure out where he was and would be soon on her way.

Best to be quick with his punishment.

He smiled cruelly and pressed down harder on the gas pedal.

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

He pulled up to a mansion nestled close to the beach. The sea breeze gave him strength and reminded of him of what he needed to be. He came from Hell, a place of punishment. He was the Lord of Punishment and he would show the Sinnerman that.

He heard shouting from inside and he bounded up the stairs to the mansion. As he rounded the corner of the hall he heard groaning.

“Shut up!” came a familiar voice. He walked in with a jubilant smile and open arms.

“Mazikeen! You started without me.”

The young woman looked up at him with a smirk. “Don't worry; I didn't do much.”

For a beat she stared at him. Something flashed over her eyes and she signaled him to follow her to the balcony. She seemed uneasy about something.

“Maze, are you okay?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

He huffed unbelieving. “Since when do you hesitate to deliver punishment?”

“It's just...I don't think Chloe will like this.”

His smile slipped off his face. He knew that Chloe wouldn't like this. “Maze, if I don't do this, who knows who he will take from me. I have to do this.”

She stared at him calculatingly and then nodded. “If you're sure. But there's no going back from this.”

He nodded solemnly.

“Here.” She handed him a small silver knife. It was simple and sharp. The Sinnerman would not receive anything special.

“You can’t beat the high of your first kill,” she said an encouraging pat on the shoulder. She walked across and out of the room without looking back. He stared after her and the knife suddenly felt very heavy. He shook his head. This was something he had to do. This wasn't evil, he told himself. This was punishment.

When he reentered the room, the Sinnerman was breathing heavily though his face was lit with a crazed smile.

“Hello, Sinnerman,” he purred.

He chuckled. “Lucifer Morningstar. I was just thinking about you. You must have felt your ears burning. Or perhaps you hear prayers now that you have your wings?”

He growled low, but with all his might did not take the bait.

His smile widened. “How are they by the way? Stubborn things, I’m sure you’ve learned by now.”

“Yes. I’m afraid I forgot to thank you last we met. How rude of me.”

The Sinnerman frowned thoughtfully. “You’re welcome. I thought it prudent given the situation.”

“How magnanimous. How are your eyes by the way? Oh, sorry. Too soon?” he crooned.

But all the Sinnerman did was shrug. “I don’t need them.”

“Right. Are we done with the banter? I would like to conclude our business.”

He gestured outward in a congenial manner. “Please.”

“Lovely. First, you are to never lay a hand nor order the harming, maiming, or otherwise cause the injury or death of Chloe Decker whether directly or indirectly.”

He chuckled. “How very specific.”

“Second," he continued like he hadn't said anything, "you will permanently remove my wings and return my devil face.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes. Third...I will return you to the police. You will not speak of this, but you will confess your crimes and accept your punishment.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

He smirked.“What do I get in return?”

“Your continued existence on Earth.”

He laughed again. Did this man not take anything seriously? “My dear Devil is that a threat?”

“No, merely a statement of fact,” he ground out.

He made a show of thinking and nodded emphatically. “I’m afraid the answer is no.”

“And trust me you’re going to need those wings. I’m not the biggest player in this game. Your detective is still in danger.”

“You dare threaten her again?” he said quietly seething stepping forward. It was a shame that he couldn't see him anymore, but Lucifer hoped he radiated rage from his person.

“No, merely a statement of fact,” the Sinnerman replied.

“You will agree,” he growled. 

“Beautiful thing about being human? Free will. I can say no.”

Lucifer grabbed him by the throat and yanked him up.

“What about dying? Is that a beautiful human quality too?”

He just laughed. “You’re not going to kill me. You’re too much of an angel. Samael.”

He set him down roughly and pushed him against the mirror that hung there. It cracked under the pressure.

“Do _not_ call me that,” he seethed in his face, but the Sinnerman laughed still.

“But that's who you are. Daddy's little favorite. You may think you’re a rebel because you party and you have sex all the time, but underneath all of that, you are still a choir boy. A dog for the Most High, whose love and attention you so desperately desire. You nip at His heels, you bark, you whine, but you never sink your teeth in. You had the chance for greatness. To destroy the one person who ruined your life and you tossed it away. For what? Love? Mercy? You're the Devil! Or at least you were...until you started playing with your pet detective.”

“You’re weak,” he said with a disgusted frown. “And that’s why you’re going to lose. That’s why your detective is going to die at the end of this story.”

“And you...will be as always alone, whether by my will,” he smirked, “or someone else’s.”

Lucifer grabbed his collar, spun him around, and pressed the knife to his throat. Begging, pleading, whimpering, he had expected, but the Sinnerman only laughed harder.

“Finally we’re getting somewhere!”

“Do you ever shut up?”

Across from them stood the large cracked mirror, reflected in it he could see the Sinnerman smiling and he saw his rage.

“Shut me up, Lucifer. Do it. Show who you truly are. _Show it_.”

Lucifer jerked him a little and breathed hard on his neck.

“You know nothing of who I am. How dare you interfere in my life?! First my wings, then my face, then you threaten my Detective,” he snarled.

“Oh, but I do know you. I’ve been watching you and you just haven’t been yourself for a while. So I thought I'd help.”

Lucifer jerked him and to his satisfaction, he grunted.

“See Lucifer, this is the mask,” he patted his face almost affectionately and Lucifer shook him off. “Your fall merely revealed your true nature and it feels _good_ doesn’t it? The vengeance. The desire. All passion and fire. Inextinguishable.”

“Untamable. All powerful. Free from the chains of your father. Except for one. You are amazing Lucifer,” he sang. The bastard sang to him.

Lucifer huffed out a breath in annoyance. He should wipe the stupid smarmy smile off of his face forever!

“I don’t follow my Father.”

He tutted waving his finger. “Except there’s one rule you have never broken. Break it, and you’ll be free from Him forever.”

The weight of his words hung in the air like a heavy smoke. There _was_ one. All he had to do was apply a little more pressure and swipe the knife across and it would all be over. It's what he had planned on doing. Besides he would be doing the world a service. Who cares that this man was human? Who cared about Father’s inconsequential rules?! He _was_ the Devil. Why not enact justice here on Earth? Wasn’t he the punisher? Didn't this monster deserve the ultimate punishment? The Sinnerman would be in Hell where he belonged. The Detective would be safe. Everyone would be safe. And he…he saw in the mirror the eyes of every tormented soul in Hell, the guilty ones and the ones that felt nothing for the sins they had committed. He saw Malcolm. He saw the Sinnerman smiling.

He saw evil.

Bile rose in his throat as he dropped his arm limply. The knife clattered on the floor, but he didn’t care. He raked his hands through his hair. What had he almost done? Who was this man who could so easily tempt the Tempter?

Wha—what was happening to him?

“How disappointing. You just had to make my job that much harder.”

Panting, Lucifer stared at him with wide eyes. The Sinnerman frowned and seemed annoyed by not dying.

What?

“You may as well take this back.”

Lucifer didn’t have a moment to contemplate what he meant as a slow burning sensation crawled over his skin and burrowed deep beneath it. He groaned and nearly doubled over in pain.

“What—“

“Lucifer.” He jerked in horror at the familiar voice and squeezed his eyes shut.

Please. Not her. Please don’t let her have seen. He forced himself to look up at her as the pain in his body ebbed.

Eyes wide, gun drawn, she stared at him in shock.

“Detective,” he whispered.

“Decker!”

“You brought _him_?” he choked out.

“I didn’t _bring_ him. He insisted on coming since you left without me. Lucifer, what...what have you done?”

“Decker!” The Lieutenant stopped short at the scene and stared at Lucifer with narrowed eyes. “What happened here?”

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

Sirens flashed around him painting the ground in cloyingly bright light, but Lucifer didn't care. All he cared about was the disappointment in the Detective's eyes. He looked over to her where she stood with Pierce.

She stood stiffly with her back turned to him. Pierce's gaze kept passing between her and him and he knew: she had told him. She had told him everything.

He huffed out a breath at the sting of the betrayal. What had he expected? She was working with _him_ now.

He heard the click of her boots as she approached him, but he didn't look up. He couldn't look at her any more.

“They're taking the Sinnerman to the hospital. He seems to be okay, but considering his condition...”

Lucifer mutely nodded.

“You want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

He remained resolutely silent, but he looked up at her. She clenched her jaw. “I told the Lieutenant. I had to. I mean, you--” She took a deep breath. “You kidnapped him.”

“He tried to kill you. The car, the message...,” he whispered miserably.

“He didn’t say who was in danger and we don’t know who sent the message or who blew up that car.”

Something in him snapped. This woman, so driven by logic and evidence and rules! Why couldn't she understand?

“Oh come on, Detective! You know who! He’s guilty. The stench of true evil weighs heavily on his soul.”

She just shook her head. “Look, I think he’s guilty too. But right now he’s just a bad guy. We don’t have proof other than our guts and words that he was the one who did that today.”

“And that’s not good enough?”

“Not for the law! We need hard evidence and…,” she looked surreptitiously in the Lieutenant’s direction. “Lucifer, what you just did…that’s going to make it that much harder to get this guy. If what you did gets out, the whole department will be watching us. Hell, Lucifer you are lucky Pierce hates the Sinnerman just as much as you or you would've gotten fired or worse arrested!”

“I don’t care about that!”

“But I do!”

“Look I understand that this Sinnerman has done terrible things to so many people including you and I want to take him down just as much as you, but that… _that_ is not how we do it.”

“He threatened your life, Detective!”

“And you almost took his.”

“You are far more valuable than that cretin.”

She shook her head again. “You’ve said that you’re not evil, you punish it. Isn’t killing evil?”

At that Lucifer shrunk back, for there was no defense he could think of.

“Tell me what that was,” she whispered shakily.

“I—I can’t let anything…I was trying to protect you. The things he said. About you and me and…everything. I wanted…I don’t know. I didn’t mean…I wasn’t--” _I wasn’t going to kill him._ He wanted to say, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t lie.

“I don’t know,” he said finally.

She sighed. “I don’t know either. I don't what to do anymore. These past couple of months…It’s like you’re a completely different person.”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do, Detective,” he whispered defeated. Maybe he didn’t know himself either.

She frowned deeply and wrapped her arms around herself. “Maybe I don’t. With the way you’ve been acting I’m not sure who you are anymore. Because the Lucifer I know; the Lucifer who is my friend and partner, who cares about justice for victims as well as punishment for the wicked, the one person who always has my back? He’s been blinking in and out of existence lately.”

She bit her lip and looked away, but he could see the tears welling in her eyes.

“It’s getting harder to have faith in you. To trust that you’ll be there for me when I need you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I need to think about this.” She gestured between the two of them. “Maybe we should take a break to figure out what this means.”

“Detective.”

He reached out to her, but she stepped back. And although she had been gentle, he recoiled as if burned.

“Do I scare you?” he asked brokenly.

She stared and said nothing. Please, he thought desperately, please say something.

Please say no.

But then she looked away from him. Her frown deepened and when she looked back, he saw it. He saw what he had prayed would never be on her face.

Oh. No.

“Just leave me alone for a little while, okay?”

_ Lucifer _

_Just leave me alone for a little while, okay?_

He had scared her. The one person in the whole universe whom he had sought to protect at all costs, he had frightened.

Lucifer retched as the overwhelming pain passed through him in the waves of a hurricane. He threw every bottle on the floor, he splintered his piano. He tore and tore and tore at his bed sheets and his clothes.

And he released into the open sky an anguished howl. The howl of the tormented and lost. But it was not enough.

He was the Punisher. He deserved the ultimate punishment.

But not without some preparation. Not without giving her what she deserved.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

The cool metal between her fingers gave her focus. This pendant was a testament to their partnership and friendship. And it confused her. Why would he give her something that had caused him pain? When she had shot him, he had been so nonplussed by the pain and blood like he had never seen himself bleed on Earth before. To take something so damaging, so terrifying if his expression after being shot was any clue, and make it beautiful for her to remember him; it was proof of his heart, she realized.

He trusted her enough to give her the chance to hurt him. And what did she do? She left. But his recklessness had reached a new level. It had been the logical choice to tell him they were taking a break. He needed to understand that his behavior was not okay. And she…she didn’t know what she needed.

She growled in frustration. Everything was still so confusing. The Vegas disappearances both made sense now in a Lucifer-y kind of, sort of sweet, and considerate way. Both times he was trying to protect her. And this time…this time was no different, but what he had almost done nearly crossed a line that she believed he would never cross. And for a moment, she thought she had been afraid. Afraid of what he was turning into...afraid that he was too far gone.

The door slammed open and she jumped and spun to see who it was to be greeted with the sight of her angry roommate. She looked her up and down and stood akimbo, her lips in a snarl.

“I never would have thought, Decker.”

“What?”

“I know what happened,” she said lowly.

“Oh,” she sighed.

“'Oh?' That's it. You’re abandoning him because he made a mistake and all you can say is 'oh'?”

That made her glare at her roommate. “Holding a knife to someone’s throat isn’t a mistake.”

“No his mistake was not finishing the job,” Maze bit out. “That someone was the Sinnerman and now instead of being in Hell where he belongs, he’s roaming around hurting _innocent_ people. I know humans like him. He doesn’t feel remorse or regret. Souls like him, those are the ones I used to torture. That man has been causing Lucifer all of his pain. That man threatened your life.”

“That doesn’t make what Lucifer did right,” she bit right back.

Maze scoffed. “Like you haven’t killed to protect him before.”

“That—that was…”

“Different? Because you’re a cop? What about Perry Smith? You weren’t tempted to off him?” she sneered.

Chloe looked at her with wide eyes. She had gotten her.

She scoffed again with a shake of her heads. “You humans with your false sense of right and wrong. It’s not murder when a police officer or a soldier kills to defend, but when a citizen does it, it’s a crime.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes. “No, that was different because I knew that Lucifer was in danger.”

“You don’t think Lucifer knew?! Think real hard, Decker. Does Lucifer ever harm the innocent, human or otherwise? Threaten, charm, cajole, sure. But harm? Kill? Cause I knew he wouldn’t, even when I handed him the knife.”

“You what?!”

She just rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so surprised. I have no qualms killing anyone who threatens my friends and you knew that. But Lucifer isn’t me. And I thought you knew that too.”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I really thought you had faith in him, that you would always have his back, but you’re just like his worthless family, aren’t you? You say you care about him, but the moment things get hard, you run.”

Something inside her snapped. “ _I_ run? He’s the one who’s been pushing _me_ away! I have tried and have been hurt so many times! I can't—I can't do that anymore!”

“You have no idea what he’s been through!”

Chloe got into her space with her hands balled into fists. “I would if he would just tell me!”

“He has! A thousand times he has, but you’ve never believed him because you’re too afraid that your little world is a whole lot bigger; that there are things that go bump in the night; that there are things you can’t fight or control. That you have feelings for the Devil.”

She poked her chest.

“You’re smart, Decker. You have great instincts. You _know_. You’re just too much of a coward to accept it.” Maze took a step toward and instinctively Chloe stepped back.

“Or maybe you were both abused so much that you created your bullshit Demon-Devil shtick,” she said with more conviction than she felt.

She chuckled. “Only half right.”

She closed the space between them and Chloe stumbled backward into the counter. “It’s not bullshit.”

Her face flashed revealing a half-dead visage with a milky white eye and too sharp teeth.

Lasting only a moment, Chloe realized she had a difficult choice. She could either believe what she had just seen was her imagination and move on from both her and Lucifer. Or she could finally accept what she _did_   know in her heart.

For in her heart she knew everything.

Maze was right: she had been too scared to admit it.

But now… “Maze…you…?”

She gulped as Maze continued to stare at her hard with a challenge in her eyes, but she could also see the fear and uncertainty. A demon being afraid of her? No, her friend being afraid of rejection. At that Chloe’s fear softened and her heart went out to her friend.

Was she willing to turn away from them: those who somehow had become her closest friends?

“Maze,” she breathed.

The tension was cut by a phone chirping.

After a beat, Maze looked down and sighed.

“It’s Amenadiel. He says it’s urgent.”

Maze grabbed her purse and stalked towards the door only to stop and turn to Chloe. The same uncertainty living in her eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. Besides you’d probably be able to find me,” Chloe said with a weak smile.

Maze returned it and the uncertainty softened a little. Then she left Chloe with her thoughts.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

Her bed creaked as she tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position, but it was in vain. Her back wasn’t the problem. It was her mind. And her heart, if she were being honest.

Defeated she sighed. There was no point in even trying to sleep so why not get up?

She tried to read, but she couldn’t focus. She made some tea, but it didn’t calm her nerves like it usually did. She even tried meditating, but that had never worked before now, so she gave up after 5 seconds. She couldn’t close her eyes. Every time she did she saw his face: the one he wore when she last saw him. It had been a face of pure torment and pain, and then cold acceptance, as though he had known this would happen and that moment vindicated his prophecies. And his face bothered her.

Why? Why did his face bother her?

Then there were Maze’s words. Her talk about abandonment and disloyalty stoked her ire. How dare she accuse her of those wrongs with what he had wrought on her?! Everyone had family issues; that didn’t excuse all of the things he did.

But they made them understandable. She growled and nearly threw her mug of lukewarm tea at a wall.

She felt trapped. The walls were closing in and smothering her. The pressure in her chest was growing and she had to get out.

She grabbed her keys and the first jacket she saw and ran for the door, grateful that Trixie was with Dan and that Maze was gone. Or maybe Maze was back, but she didn’t care. In fact it was easier if she didn’t see Maze in that moment.

Maybe a long drive would help.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

Somehow she ended up on the beach. She couldn’t explain it, but in this moment she was drawn there. The stars glittered over the water, but she drew little comfort from their gentle light. Still she understood then why Lucifer loved this place. One could so easily see the stars and in a way, he was a lot like them. Burning brightly, distant, dangerous, but beautiful and at least on Earth, life giving. They were signs of hope, but also vestiges of the past as many stars’ light only reach them long after they had died. Her father had said that many people could gain wisdom simply by staring at them in solitude and meditation.

The weight of guilt sank her heart and drew her eyes away from the stars. She didn’t deserve their hope or their counsel.

Maze had been right. When it came to the want for vengeance she was hardly blameless. In her own home she had drawn a gun on an immobilized and outnumbered man. Her thoughts had been racing about the injustice that that scum was alive while her father, her wise and kind and good had been taken from her. She had wanted to wipe him from the earth and watch as the light left his eyes.

And yet…she had judged and cast out Lucifer without even a defense from him. Or an apology or anything. How could she have done that?

She huffed. She knew why.

_You really think he would kill a human?!_

He had come close before, but he had always stopped mostly because someone else had talked him down. No, she, she had always talked him down. Whenever he had a violent start, she would always calm him. And that would be it. She would never judge him, because in the past she had understood his anger, his grief. He always stopped.

And this time had been different only because he had stopped himself.

The Lucifer she knew never attacked without reason. Of course, recently he was barely the Lucifer she knew.

But that man had been the Sinnerman, so wasn’t Lucifer justified in his anger and fear?

In her mind’s eye she could see his face as he held the man. She had only been standing there for a few seconds, but it had been long enough to see that his face had contorted in rage until it melted to one of disgust and surprise right before he dropped the knife with shaking hands. Right before she intervened. Right before she judged him so harshly. Right before she practically kicked him out of her life.

Shame washed over her at these thoughts. When had she become this person who would turn on her best friend in his time of need? For months she had been justifiably angry with him. She deserved an apology and an explanation for what had happened between them. He had given her none.

_It’s time I opened your eyes to the truth about me._

She shook her head exasperatedly. But the thing in the lab had been nothing!

…But he had been so scared. And he had been so confused when whatever he was going to show her hadn’t worked. And she…

She held her head in her hands and tried to push out the headache beginning to form.

So blinded by her hurt feelings and marred trust for her partner, her freaking best friend, the man she…she still cared for deeply, she hadn’t even considered that he was being genuine.

Maze’s face…that wasn’t her imagination she knew. He had touched his face...Did—did he have another face?

A memory appeared in front of her. It had been one of their earlier cases. She had walked in, gun drawn and in a dirty mirror she had seen something flash in Lucifer's face.

_Who are you? What are you?_

Then she had shot him...and...

She stroked her necklace.

But if it was real that meant…

_I've been trying to tell you, Detective. I'm the Devil._

Collapsing to the sand, the realization hit her like a wave in a hurricane. This whole time with his erratic and volatile behavior, his lack of focus, his general disregard for everyone, his overindulgence (even for him) of drugs, sex, and alcohol, he had been crying out for help. The whole time the love in her heart had been speaking to her the truth and she had ignored it.

Her anger and hurt feelings were justified. But he was hurt too. How were they supposed to fix anything if they didn't talk?

She had to talk to him. Even if he didn’t open up to her right then, she would at least let him know her feelings, good and bad, and also apologize.

He had to know that no matter what happened, no matter what he did, or said, she would always care for him. She would always be there for him.

They were partners. More importantly, friends. And they had almost been…She shook her head. No more of that. It was time they healed.

The sky above the ocean was a soft pink blending into the purple sky. Apparently she had been there all night. Looking at her watch, she sighed. Was he still up? Did he have company?

She frowned and decided she didn’t care. Sending a quick text to Maze to let her know where she was going, she ran back to her car and drove to Lux.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

Getting there had been a blur that would have worried her if she hadn’t been too pre-occupied with her destination.

When the elevator stopped she jumped through the first passable crack of the opening doors.

“Lucifer!”

But he was gone. There weren’t any linens covering the furniture which she took as a good sign, but that was the only thing good about the penthouse. Shattered glass and empty bottles of liquor littered the floor. The coffee table was overturned and the chiffon curtains torn down. His beloved piano was nothing more than kindling and his entire room was in shreds.

But where was he? Had he been attacked? Or was this his doing?

There was no blood. Someone could have come here and torn it apart while he was away, but then, where was he?

Where was he?!

Panic built in her chest as she dialed Lucifer’s number. It went straight to voicemail. Her heart beat rapidly and with shaking hands called Maze.

“Yeah?” said an uncertain voice she could barely recognize as Maze.

She swallowed her panic.“Lucifer’s apartment is trashed. You wouldn’t happen to know where he is? Or if he’s...?”

She heard her roommate's deep breath.“I don’t know where he is. But…he’s alive. And he’s not in any danger.”

Chloe forced herself to swallow again. “How do you know?”

“…It’s hard to explain. Just trust me.”

Was this one of those supernatural things she would have to get used to?

“Okay. Talk to you later.”

She hung up without waiting for a response and willed her legs to move out of the penthouse. She trudged back to her car. She had to go back to the precinct. If he didn't show up, she would put out a BOLO. She didn't care if she would look paranoid. In the back of her mind for once she hoped he would ignore her words.

_Just leave me alone for a little while, okay?_

Tears blurred her vision as she drove.

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

Time seemed slow as he walked through the precinct. Perhaps it was a gift, for it would be the last time he would set foot there. He was lost in the movement, officers flitting in and out like a bee hive. The emotions of them all: the determination of being hot on a case, the elation of a solve, the despair at a criminal going free. And then there was the general comraderie of the place.

He would miss it. He would miss them.

He would miss her.

From across the way he saw her leaning forward on her desk, her head in her hand while the other clutched her necklace. He had always wondered about that necklace. Perhaps it had been a gift from her father. A pain panged in his broken heart. He would never know with what he was about to do.

Too soon he reached her desk and he simply stood, memorizing her scent, how her hair fell out of her ponytail and framed her face, how her soul felt warm and soft. There were no souls like hers in Hell and so he would forever cling to that memory.

She must have sensed his presence because she looked up at him. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Lucifer! I didn’t think you would—“

“Detective I know you asked me to leave you alone and I promise to respect your wishes. And I am sorry, but I had to give you this,” he said quickly. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out an envelope.

She looked nonplussed at it and didn't take it. “What is that?”

“My resignation. I’ve already given a copy to the Lieutenant, but I wanted you to…I wanted to say good-bye in person. It is the least I can do for you.”

She frowned. “I don’t--don't understand. What do you mean 'good-bye'?”

He sighed sadly.“I have always thought of you as special. Truly you are an exceptional person. Good and kind and forgiving. And I have taken advantage of that. I have hurt you so much.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “That’s all I seem to do. Even when I try not to. And then I realized that the reason I’ve only ever done that is because _I_ am the problem. And you don't deserve…you deserve better.”

He glanced up and saw Marcus watching them. He felt he didn't have the right to glare.

“Besides you don’t need me.” He smiled proudly. “You’re the best detective on the force. Truly I’m only holding you back.”

“No--” she started and shook her head, but he lifted a hand. She didn't have to be polite and refute his statement.

“Anyway I know it isn’t much. And it doesn’t make up for everything. But please accept my leaving as my way of making amends. And this too.”

He handed her another envelope, this one a little heavier than the last.

“What...,” she asked without looking at it.

“That is a legal document that I hope you find useful. Where I’m going I certainly won't need it.”

Her brow furrowed as her confusion deepened. “Where are you...? Will I see you again?”

“It's time I return to where I belong. And you...”

He smiled fondly. “You don't deserve that.”

He lifted his hand to touch her face, but remembering her stepping away from him, he decided against it. Pulling back with a shaking hand he placed it in his pocket. He felt as though his heart was in a vice. He was choking on pain, but he had to say something. She had to know what she meant to him. 

“Thank you for giving me good memories. You have no idea what kind of gift that is. I will cherish them forever.”

He took a shaky breath and his voice heavy with grief, despair, and profound loss he said, “Good-bye...Chloe.”

“Lucif--”

He swiftly turned away from her and walked with long strides out of the precinct. If he looked back, he wouldn't be able to leave.

This was right. This was for the best.

But how cruel of his mind to imagine her calling after him.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

She burst into the penthouse before the elevator even fully opened for her. “Lucifer!”

The penthouse was still a wreck, but with one significant difference. There on the bar was a hastily cleared space and there sat his car keys, his phone, and envelopes neatly laid, all labeled with their names on them. Maze, Amenadiel, Linda, Dan, Ella, herself, and even Trixie.

She snatched the one labeled ‘Detective’ and ripped it open.

'My dear Chloe,

I wish, how I wish things were different. I have so many regrets, especially everything I've done to you. You are a miracle. In so many ways; none of which I deserve. But I will be forever grateful for the privilege of knowing you. You have no idea what you have done for me. I wish...I wish I had given you the same.

I shall return to the darkness where monsters dwell. And the ocean will wipe the stain of my life clean.'

No, no, no, no!

“Lucifer!” she screamed.

The letter fluttered to the floor as she raced around the penthouse. She checked every room, but he was no where.

She panic dialed Maze, but she was greeted with her voicemail.

“Damn it!”

She dashed out of the penthouse and to her car where she wretched the door open and nearly jumped inside.

Taking calming breaths, she tried to get her bearings.

'Think, Decker, think. Where would he go? You know Lucifer. He can be very sentimental and there are certainly places that mean a lot to him. He wasn't in the penthouse. He wouldn't do anything in her apartment that could possibly scare Trixie. So where else is a place he holds sacred?'

It hit her like a tidal wave. She turned over the engine and sped away with her sirens wailing.

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

He tossed the wings unceremoniously into the waves and watched them sink without feeling. They were never really his anyway. And now there would be no leisurely flight to Hell. No. He deserved punishment. And he would ensure that he could never return. His shirt clung to him uncomfortably as the hot blood dripped down his back. He ignored it. Soon he wouldn't feel anything.

Pulling out the long curved knife, he examined it with a morbid curiosity. He had already died twice before, but never by his own hand. Would it hurt more because of that? Or would his strong desire to die make it easier instead?

Everything was set. He had given all of them proper good-byes. At the moment no one knew where he was, but Maze would surely find him soon.

There was no time to waste.

He looked up at the sky one last time. He would miss it. He would miss the breeze and the cool sea air. He would miss the sounds of people talking and laughing. He would miss the smells of delicious food wafting through the streets. He would miss music and dancing. He would miss solving mysteries. But most of all, he would miss her.

When he closed his eyes, he saw her smiling face and for a moment he hesitated. But then he remembered the last time he saw her: there were tears in her eyes and resignation in her voice. He had done that to her.

He gripped the blade tighter and the pain in his heart seared. It was time to end it. It was time to kill all of the feelings he had in his heart. He raised the knife, aimed the point of it at his chest, and...

“NO!”

Her voice struck into the silence like a bolt of lightning. Lucifer stilled his hands and turned in bewilderment.

“Detective…”

She stood a few feet away from him, her hand on her holster. “Lucifer drop it please!”

“You don’t understand, Detective,” he said tiredly. He was so exhausted by everything.

Her jaw tightened and she removed her hand from her holster. Instead she made a placating gesture and took a step toward him.

“Yes I do. You’re my friend, who’s in a lot of pain. And I—I am so sorry.” Her voice broke. “I should’ve been there for you from the beginning. I should’ve believed you when you said you were kidnapped. I should’ve believed you when you told me about the Sinnerman. I should've trusted you with so much. And I shouldn’t have judged you about what happened yesterday. I shouldn't have--” she gasped, “I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered.

“No, Detective. You don’t have to apologize. You had every reason for your distrust. And yesterday I was wrong. I deserve punishment.”

“Lucifer no listen--”

“No, Detective,” he said firmly. Never had he been so certain of something, even as tears pricked at his eyes. “I am done denying the truth. I _am_ a monster. I have hurt so many people, it has to stop. Uriel, Linda…you…” His breath hitched as fresh pain washed over him.

“I’ve hurt _you_. All I do…is hurt people. But I won’t anymore.”

He looked at the knife in his hands and saw salvation.

“This…this is the only way to ensure it.”

At some point she had gotten close to him and she took his forearms in a vice grip. Her strength surprised him.“No! I won’t let you! I won’t let you go!”

She grabbed his face gently, but firmly. “You can’t. Please. Please don’t leave me. I need you to stay here. I _want_ you to stay here.”

He looked at her not understanding. “Why?” he breathed.

Her eyes reflected the stars and he was lost in them. “You belong here. With me.”

With…her? She wanted him to stay? But surely...after yesterday how could she want him to stay? And what about Pierce? Surely she had everything she needed from the Lieutenant. A worthy partner at work and in her life.

“I don't understand.”

“And you never will if you don't give me the knife.”

Her eyes were pleading, her grip was strong, she would not let him leave. Lucifer didn't understand, but in that moment he would give her anything. Including his life.

His hand relaxed and with a _plop!_ the knife fell into the sea. Without hesitation she fell into him, he felt her hot tears on his skin and felt his own on his face.

“Let me take you home,” she said between shakey breaths. He nodded, but neither made to move away from the beach.

Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her and wept.

* * *

 

_ Chloe _

He wouldn't look at her and that was okay. He walked stiffly and judging from whatever he had done to his back, she didn't blame him, but there was more to it. He seemed...lost, as though suicide was a clear path and therefore oddly comforting. She choked back a sob. What had driven him to such measures?

Then memories of the past few months flashed before her: of all the times she had dismissed his concerns, of when she had pushed him away, of yesterday...

Of course there had been good moments too that reminded her they were still friends, but something between them was so utterly broken. She wanted to fix it. Did he? And how could they?

“You can leave now, Detective. You’ve done your duty for the day.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said in her mom voice that demanded obedience.

He looked at her with a mixture of confusion and resignation.“You made your feelings about me quite clear.”

“I'm staying. End of discussion. Now take off your shirt.”

He spluttered. “What?”

She cleared off the couch as best she could and said, “Take off your shirt and sit.”

“I--”

She raised her eyebrow and pointed. With a dour look, he obeyed by unbuttoning his shirt as he walked over. It was after the first wince that she realized her mistake and rushed over to him to help him with his shirt. Gently she removed the shirt, it sticking slightly to the wounds on his back and he hissed. Looking at them even in the dim light made her gasp.

They were exactly where his scars had been. They were angry oozing and red with fresh blood, whatever layer of protection torn away when they had removed his shirt. She swallowed the pain and quickly left to get a clean towel.

In silence she cleaned the wounds, until she couldn't take it anymore.

“Why did you…” she sighed and stilled her hands, “I’m not going to force you to tell me anything, but please I want to help you. Why did you do this?”

“Because I deserve it. Why did you stop me?”

She moved around to face him and gently clasped his hands. “Because I care about you.”

Staring into his depthless eyes she leaned toward him, willing him to understand. “Please let me help you.”

For a moment he stared at her with a furrowed brow, but then his expression cleared. “Do you know that Hell isn’t fire?”

She shook her head not understanding where he was going with this, but she didn't want to interrupt.

“It isn't really. It has everlasting fires yes and lava flows, but fire is life. And Hell is well, not.” He chuckled a little.

“It's darkness. And ash and doors with chains. So when I came here everything had to be perfect, pleasurable, and beautiful. Light and music. Glittering facades.” He shook his head with a wry smile. “And gilded cages. Everything that reflected brightly. Every moment had to be lived with a smile. But it wasn’t real.”

The smile slid from his face. “It was just a pleasant numbness. And the reflections were only shadows.”

He turned to her and something soft and warm lived there. And it was just for her. “Then I met you. And everything became deeper and clearer, but somehow more confusing. The light you make me see is real. But I don’t deserve it.”

“Why not? You’re a good man who’s been through so much and still chose the right path.”

'See yourself through my eyes. Please,' she prayed to him.

“Oh Detective.” He caressed her face and he felt her lean into the touch. Closing her eyes she memorized the feel of his skin.

“You think that because you haven't seen the truth. But I am not a good man. I am not a man. Nor am I an angel. And it is past time that you know that. And thanks to our slippery friend, I am now able to show you _what_ I am.”

Slowly he pulled away and she followed him, but he raised a hand to put some distance between them.

“The Devil is real.”

He closed his eyes.

He took a deep breath and _he changed_.

“And I am he.”

* * *

 

_ Lucifer _

He heard the gasp. He waited for the scream. Or perhaps a gunshot.

But...nothing came. Still he kept his eyes shut, not wanting to see the fear in her face like before.

_Who are you? What are you?_

He heard her shuddering breaths and knew that she was crying. He sighed. He should have known. She was far too brave to scream, but he was still the Devil and seeing the Adversary stand before you would cause anyone to shirk in fear and collapse into tears.

He replaced his glamor and opened his eyes to find her staring with shiny eyes and tears staining her cheeks. Was she in shock like Linda had been? Pain stabbed his chest and radiated outward and he could feel heat gather behind his eyes.

“I will arrange for someone to take you home. Or rather—I suppose you don't want to wait here?-- I'll leave then. I-I can get a hotel room and you can stay in the guest bedroom...I'm sorry Detective. For-for everything. I promise to leave you alone. I'll just pack a quick bag and--”

“Wait,” she whispered her eyes still wide.

He looked at his hands. “Yes. You're right. How selfish of me. I'll leave immediately. I can always buy the things I need.” He chuckled awkwardly and strode past her keeping his eyes down. But then he felt a soft touch on his arm and he froze.

“No, stay.”

Nonplussed he stared at her and for a brief moment he had hope. But then he shook his head. “Right. You probably don't want to stay in the Devil's home even when I'm not here. Forgive me, Detective. I'll arrange for someone to get you--”

She squeezed his arm. “No. I mean...I'm going to stay too.”

He pulled away from her. “I don't--”

She stepped closer to him. “Can you show me again?”

“What? Are your brains scrambled? Most people who see the Devil...well they never ask for a second viewing.”

He stepped back again. What was she thinking? He couldn't do that to her again. She would go mad.

“Please.” He looked up and to his surprise her eyes were clear. Perhaps...not.

“If you're sure...” This time he didn't close his eyes as he let his glamor slip away. He watched in awe as she walked slowly toward him. Their eyes joined together and what he saw there made his heart race.

Then he felt something soft, like a dove’s wings, graze his cheek and he flinched.

“I’m sorry,” came a breathy voice. “Does that hurt?”

He stared and almost imperceptibly shook his head. Smiling gently she went to touch him again and he stepped back quickly, replacing his mask as he went.

“I don't understand.”

She stepped toward him and took his hands. He revelled in their warmth.

“I’m not afraid of you. I know you. And I think I’ve known about this for a while.”

“You’re still taking this remarkably well.”

She rolled her eyes with a small smile. “Well, the whole Heaven and Hell being real and you being _you_ , Maze being a demon, Amenadiel being an angel, and God being…,” her eyes bugged out a little. “Oh my God, God is your _Dad_. And Charlotte…”

He winced. “Not technically Charlotte when you first met her. Charlotte Richards was killed and my Mum, the God _dess_ of all Creation, was simply using her body like an Airbnb. She's actual Charlotte now.”

“Oh. _Oh._ The pier. You _were_ protecting me.”

Unbidden he leaned a little closer as he nodded. She sighed. “Anyway, it’s a lot to take in and I’ll probably have a few drinks when I get home.”

They both laughed, the tension melted away.

“What happens now?” he asked with just a touch of nerves.

“Well I have a million questions, but I’m not going to bombard you with them. And it's gonna be an adjustment knowing all of this,” she gestured around vaguely, “stuff is real. It’s kind of freaky.”

“Not you,” she said quickly. “You've always been you. You’re my friend and I…care about you.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “And Maze and Amenadiel are my friends too. Although we need to talk to Maze about vigilante justice.”

They both laughed. It was nice to laugh with her again.

“And…us?”

She looked at him tenderly. “I say we start over. Clean slate. We can get to know each other better. What happened in the past—the mistakes—they don't matter.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but she placed her hand on his knee which shut him up pretty quickly.

“They don't. I want you by my side. We’re partners. Friends.”

Regardless of the joy at her acceptance, at her want for his presence, he couldn’t deny the sting in his heart at the word ‘friends’. It felt insufficient to define the bond between them, but he chose to ignore it.

“Friends.” Rolling the word around in his mouth, he decided he could acquire the taste.

A friendship with her was much more than he believed he deserved. He would be grateful for it and accept the station that he had in her life.

In her life. He smiled a little; he liked the sound of that.

“So wait, I’m your partner again?”

She smiled warmly. “On two conditions. One you don't leave again because you're scared or worried for me. We’re partners; we handle stuff together. Of course you can leave if you wanted—“

It was his turn to stop her negative thoughts. “Never. Well not willingly. I can't guarantee I won't be stolen again.”

Her eyebrows disappeared into her hairline and her eyes danced with amusement. “You think I’d let that happen again? At this point you're never leaving my sight. May as well set you up on my couch. May even make you pay rent.”

He smirked. “Your bed would be much more comfortable. I can make payments that way. Ow!”

He rubbed his arm, but his face was split with a huge smile.

“Faker,” she said with a smile that lit up her eyes and his stomach dropped. There were still some more truths to share.

And she noticed his discomfort as he saw a small crinkle form on her forehead. He smiled a little awkwardly and cleared his throat. “And two?”

“Please just be you. Not an angel or the Devil, just you.”

Just him. Sounded simple, but it wasn't was it? “I’m not entirely sure who that is.”

“That's okay; a lot of people don't, but you have time to figure it out. And you have people who are here for you. People who love you for just being you.”

“There is still so much more you need to know.”

She shook her head. “We can take our time.”

“It's quite important,” he insisted, “and it's...well it's about you.”

Another crinkled formed on her brow, but she seemed to disregard whatever thought she had just had. “Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. But for now, I think I've had enough revelations. I think we should take things...slow.”

He nodded and he jumped a bit when she carefully wrapped herself around him. Breathing in the scent of her hair, he allowed his arms to return the embrace and he felt the most calm he'd had in the past few months.

“I’ve really missed my best friend,” she mumbled into his chest.

He smiled and with a relieved huff he said, “I’ve missed mine too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mid-season finale is here!

**Author's Note:**

> I really need her to know the truth very soon. I'm rather nervous about tomorrow, but I know everything will work out. Deckerstar is endgame.
> 
> I'm sorry that Chloe says some mean things here. She's been through a lot and she's very angry. Sometimes when people are upset they say things they don't at all mean.


End file.
